Not really a priestly deity, Bacchus is not pious.  The bard is not devout but irreverent.  A comic jester who makes fun of the kings.  An introduction to the methods, the madness, and the contradictions that aren’t, really.  Pay close attention, this may be confusing and hard to follow, yet all will be revealed along our journey.  As always, thank you for your valuable time and attention. 

♫♪ Dearly Beloved, We are gathered here together to get to this thing called life 

Good Day my fellow humans, and welcome. I, the Reverend Professor Steven M. Cook !E MonstA, evangelize empathy and ethics with the good news that we don’t need the eternal threats of a judgemental patriarchy to be good people and love each other.  What, in the name of Sweet Fanny Adams, is a Bard of Bacchus?!?  It’s a thing I made up.  It’s an ideal that I have pieced together over the course of my travels, but it all started, as these things should, with a joke.

Many years ago, I spent a few days with a fellow who was very into health, exercise, and nutrition.  An Adonis of a man.  After explaining to me his diet and exercise routine, I marveled sincerely at his discipline.  “My body is a temple.”, he said. “I can dig it,” I replied, “my body is a temple as well, to Bacchus.”  He did not find this amusing but I thought it hilarious.  

For those not familiar with “pagan” mythology, Bacchus/Dionysus is the Roman/Greek god of the grape-harvest, wine-making, orchards and fruit, vegetation, fertility, insanity, ritual madness, religious ecstasy, festivity, and theater.  Anyone who knows me well would tell you this is an accurate description, except for the agriculture part.  I am a city boy.  

Honestly, if you believe in fate, the story begins much farther back in time, the 1980s.  A lot of people have had the experience in HS of taking an evaluation with their guidance counselor to see what types of professions might fit your talents and interests.  While I’m old enough that my school didn’t have a lot of computers, they had one for this purpose.  I took the test and the results I got were, curios to say the least, especially when you consider I was a long haired punk and a shop kid.

The first profession it recommended to me was, priest.  No joke.  I was accidentally raised as a Secular Humanist by two lapsed Catholics. We didn’t go to church. I cannot tell one protestant from another so, priest was an odd suggestion, putting it very mildly.  It’s easy to see now based on how preachy I get but at the time, weird.

The second profession it suggested was, blaster, an explosives and demolition expert.  I could barely think of two more different professions.  This was also my first experience with something I had suspected and would grow accustomed to over time; I’m difficult to classify.  I don’t remember what the other job suggestions were because this was the pinnacle.  A computer program had asked me about my interests, talents, and where I’d like to work, and it concluded that I should blow up stuff for Jesus.  I was amused, and I still am.  

It’s been a long spiritual journey and I’ve tried on many ideologies along the way before concluding that the majority of it has no huge impact on my day to day life. The bits that have the greatest impact have become my personal philosophy, and it’s what I’m founding my temple upon.  This is going to sound mad and confusing but remember, Bacchus, there is a bit of madness in my methods.  

I’m a Libra, therefore your humble bard must have balance. A ying for every yang, an exception to every rule, except that one, which becomes the exception.  See how that works? Moderation in all things, including moderation. There are times when it is reasonable, prudent, dare I say necessary, to be immoderate.  Zeal in defense of others is nothing to be ashamed of, in my very humble opinion.  Never confuse people with things. And a but, and a but, and a but, for there is always a butt.

Next, the details are the important part.  It may be devilish to wrap our heads around so many details but that does not mean we should dread complexity.  We can do hard things, so let’s not be too basic.  Many times simple answers only work if you don’t think them through and do the math. What comes next? Then what? I use a lot of examples and metaphors, and sometimes that confuses people who don’t follow the parallels between the metaphor and reality.  A lot of the bases and premises our society is founded on no longer make as much sense as they did 50, 100, or 200 years ago.  We need to be willing to get into the weeds and be wonky. 

Counterpoint: Slack! According to Bob Dobbs we all crave it, and I’m a 90s Gen X slacker to my very core.  Here is where we get to a core tenet of my brand of Bacchanalia; Hard work is no virtue.  Neither is sloth, so just hold up.  We have to tend the fields, harvest, press, brew, etc.  The point is, you don’t have a work quota where you win and get a hard worker prize.  What are you working FOR?  Hard word, all by itself, has no meaning.  Diggin a hole, just to fill it up again is hard work, and pointless too.

I know this can all sound contradictory; be hard and soft, hot and cold, wet and dry, good and bad, but it’s not mutually exclusive.  It’s a Seagram’s Jalapeno Wine Cooler.  {Sad Trombone Sound}  Seriously though, sometimes things sound contradictory until you understand them better.  Sometimes you need to have a thick skin, and sometimes you need to be soft and vulnerable.  We can do a better job of teaching that and holding space for it, if we slow down and live our lives.

Just an aside for a moment. I find science, exploration, research, and knowledge fascinating.  I think learning just for the sake of knowing is more entertaining than most movies, sports, or TV.  But, I’m starting to suspect these things may not be the highest peak we humans can achieve.  It may just be that food, drink, and making art or love, are the best things we can have in this life.  Anything not related to those might not be as important.  Sure, everything else is totally worthwhile too.  Space has brought us a lot of useful technology.  What I’m trying to say is

Hedonism, and it’s not the best word because most people think of Hedonism as just pleasure.  It’s also satisfaction, really enjoying what you do. This goes back to the idea that hard work is no virtue but expounds upon it.  Yes, things that need doing need to be done, but the goal and highest priority should be living, not working.  We should know what we are working for.  We don’t need to be doing things all the time.  We can just be.  We’re human beings, not human doings.

Competition is a fine thing, when it’s friendly and of no great consequence.  We can play games and sport, even trash talk and gloat a little, but in the end it should not tear anyone down or be consequential for our lives.  Society doesn’t have to be life or death, so it should never be life or death.  That said, a bit of rough play is all in good fun provided no one is actually getting hurt, and no one is flopping either.  

Have a thick skin and give slack, but also be mindful. Show respect, but take no shit.

To get serious for just a minute, there is another thing that put me on this path I’m on.  I’m a suicide survivor.  While I preach the gospel of life, and believe in not solving temporary problems with permanent actions, I also advocate for the right to die.  When I was a kid, my mom and her sisters would say they never wanted to be “hooked to a machine”.  They were very clear about their end of life wishes.  When dementia took her away, the machine she was left hooked to was her own body.  It made me so angry because I thought she would never want that, but we must have life no matter what.  

We allow people to suffer in ways most people would object to if they were any other animal.  We should trust people to make that choice, when they can.

Okay, that was heavy so let’s get to another big idea in the Bacchanalia.  We are just a bunch of silly apes. I used to say monkeys but we don’t have tails anymore.  We should not take ourselves, or anything else, too seriously.  Like, imagine if we still have tails.  Oh to be a carpenter with a tail.  This is not to say nothing is important, oh no no.  Just that we should not let our big ape ego make things worse.  

If things seem contradictory, confusing and delusional, you may need to listen more and talk less.  You are probably not understanding something important, and it might be a good idea to reorient yourself.  Lighten up a little, things might not be so bad.  We all have stress, bad days, things we are not proud of.  Take a good assessment of where you are, before inserting yourself back into the confusion. It would be better all around if we could relax a bit and pull the stick out.  No kink shame 

At the same time, we should not be so fragile, insisting on good vibes only.  Often anger is justified, we should remember that.  Injustice drives you crazy.  Ice T said so. LA 92!  We should be able to take the time to find out why someone is angry.  They may have a very good reason.  They may not, and be embarrassed when they calm down.  They may be way off base and choose to double down, in which case, drag a Karen.

The big life lesson I picked up while recovering from my breakdown is; The secret to life is living, and it’s not any more complicated than that. This is not Pollyanna toxic positivity.  I don’t think we are here to toil producing profits.  I don’t think the one who dies with the most toys, wins.  I don’t think we get a reward at the end for being good workers. The best free things in life should be our highest priority.  Enjoying our life, making art, children, playing; good food, good cheer, and good company would go a long way to making a happier world.

Profits make so few happy.  If you think everyone needs money to motivate them, I don’t think you know many artists, or teachers, or nurses. Do you think money motivates people to dedicate their lives to service?  Money is a terrible motivator.  The desire for it is called the root of evil for a reason.

I think life, much like government, should be about bringing the greatest amount of good to the greatest number of people.  Many hands make lighter work and rising tides lift all boats, that ol chestnut.  We should not be competing over food and shelter in the 21st century.  There are plenty of other things to compete over.  Capitalism can commodify those things 

Alright, now for some real madness, let’s take a look in the mirror, reflect, and take an honest assessment of ourselves.  Much as I love equality, I’m just a silly ape too, and we all like someone to look down on.  For me, it’s the regressive boot licking authoritarians.  The jack booted defenders of Western Civilization.  The acolytes of Populism, and the small minds that follow them. I try not to hate them personally because it’s really their ideas I hate.  I believe as Eleanore Roosevelt said, great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.  

The people can change their minds and grow.  Not going to hold my breath but we can hope.  There is no shame in having a small mind, only in pretending that you don’t. Intelligence is a thing most of us are very insecure about. However, that is a subject I’ll get back to in another essay.

It’s never a good idea to lie to ourselves, but we do so often, some more than others.  I decided when I was a teen that I should always be honest with myself, as hard as it can be at times.  I think the teen years are when we should get to know who we are, and that means also figuring out who we are not.  Try things on and see what fits you, but also be open to the idea that some stuff is just not a good look.  Figure out who you are not.

When the US was growing up, we did a lot of dumb white supremacy. Lots of other countries were doing eugenics and we were trying to be edgy.  It’s really cringe to look back on, and just like the 80s, some people are nostalgic for it.  Others want to leave that skeleton in our closet.  We need to take it out and bury it.  If we are going to be honest with ourselves, it’s a weird and creepy thing to hang on to.  

Semper Gumby, always flexible, that was the unofficial motto of the US Navy Seabees when I was there.  Being flexible can be a great skill to have but it can also leave you open to being bent out of shape and over stretched.  We don’t want to break when we bend.  Just because we can understand why a lion kills a gazelle, does not mean we have to rationalize injustice.  We are not lions, nor sheep.  Some think themselves wolves, acting like they are superior merely to justify their insecurity.  We humans have benefited from sheep far more than lions, just saying.

Contradiction may just be complexity we have not fully understood or appreciated.  Times and circumstances may call for different approaches.  One case may require you to be harsh, another similar may require mercy.  The details are the important thing, and will dictate one way or another, or another, or you may have to think outside of the box.  Not just inside a somewhat larger box.  If you are not familiar with the concept of Ubuntu, google that and reflect on it.

We are each a consciousness trapped in a sensorium doing our best, we hope, and helping when and how we can, if we’re not a complete douche.  Yet, even a bad example has a use, if we can be creative enough to find it.  My grand daddy always told me to learn from the mistakes of others, because you do NOT have the time to make them all yourself.

In Hope and Solidarity
Todos Juntos
Rev Prof Steven M Cook !E MonstA
High Bard of Bacchus, Socialist Prophet of Secular Humanism
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